Hammers Chat

7 dwarves in a bed feeling sleepy

so sleepy got out

ok, there is the shit and low standard set, crack on!

seems like a great thread to start
To be clear, what is taboo cos I've seen these type of threads spiral into people getting banned.....

farewellboleyn wrote:7 dwarves in a bed feeling sleepy

so sleepy got out

ok, there is the shit and low standard set, crack on!

knock knock who's there a little boy who cant reach the dolor bell,

eastcoastclaret wrote:seems like a great thread to start
To be clear, what is taboo cos I've seen these type of threads spiral into people getting banned.....

Crack on and if you cross the line am sure someone will point it out. It is a joke thread and not a 'what's your views' thread.

A golfing tale:


A nun walks into mother superiors office and sits down into a chair, as she does so she lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.

'What troubles you sister?' asks mother superior 'I thought this was the day you spent with your family'

'It was,' sighed the sister 'And i went to play golf with my brother.We try to play golf as often as we can, as you know i was quite a talented golfer before i devoted myself to christ'

'I seem to recall that' the mother superior agreed. 'So i take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?'

' Far from it,' snorted the sister. 'In fact, i even took the lords name in vain today,so i did'

'Goodness, sister ' gasped the Mother superior, astonished 'You must tell me all about it my child'

'Well, we were on the 5th tee...and this hole is a monster, mother - 540 yard par5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green... and i hit the drive of my life,i creamed it, the sweetest swing of my life, and its flying mother, straight and true, right along the line i wanted....and it hits abird in mid flight not 200 yards off the tee.'

'Oh my!' commiserated the mother. 'How unfortunate! but surely that did not make you blaspheme, sister!'

'No, that wasn't it,' admitted the sister'while i was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods,grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!'

' Oh, that would of made me blaspheme!' sympathised the Mother

'But i didn't mother superior' sobbed the sister. 'And i was so proud of myself,but while i was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk came down and grabs the squirrel and flies off with my ball still clutched in his paws!'

'So,thats when you cursed' said the mother with a knowing smile.

'Nope that wasn't it either,' cried the sister, anguished.'because as the hawk started to fly out of site,the squirrel started struggling,and the hawk dropped him right there on the green,the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 14 inches away from the cup' more sobbing.

At this point Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest and fixed the sister with a baleful stare and said........................
' You missed the fucking putt, didn't you?'

^^^^^^^^

I went into my local pharmacist yesterday and asked for a morning after pill for my 12 year old daughter. "What?" Said the chemist, "Your 12 year old daughter is sexually active?" "Not really, she just lays there" I replied.

Don't blame me, blame Frankie Boyle.

My son walked over to our sleeping cat and began gently petting her and telling her that he loves her. When out of nowhere she jumped up, started to hiss and spit and then proceeded to scratch the fuck out of him. Needless to say he ran off crying....

On a more positive note it has prepared him for marriage.......

"You've been a very naughty girl and I'm waiting for you to come home!" I texted my wife.

She texted back, "Do I need to be punished "

"Yes, severely" I answered.

"Just so you know, I'm not wearing any knickers right now " she replied.

"What has that got to do with you finishing all the bourbons, you fat cunt?"

eastcoastclaret wrote:seems like a great thread to start
To be clear, what is taboo cos I've seen these type of threads spiral into people getting banned.....

Probably best to avoid clowns!!