Many years ago my mate Roger's wife had had a baby. It was a difficult birth and as such she was off sex for quite a while. Down the pub one night he mentioned this so another mate (now sadly no longer with us) lent him a porno video so he could do what one does.
The following night with the wife and the kiddie asleep he crept downstairs to watch it. After a few minutes, old chap in hand being firmly chastised, he heard a noise, the door of the living room opening. He had time to do just one thing. Turn off the video. The TV set obviously was then showing the channel it was last on.
So all Roger's wife actually saw was him with his dick in hand watching Crown Bowls.
a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and his wife were listening to the radio whilst eating breakfast.They heard the announcer say "we are expecting 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street so that the snow plough can get through" On hearing this the wife got up, went out and moved the car to the even numbered side of the street.
A week later, whilst eating breakfast again, the announcer said " more snow arriving today,expect 10 to 12 inches. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street so that the snow ploughs can get through" The good wife got up,went out and moved the car to the odd numbered side of the street.
The following weekend they are again eating breakfast, listening to the radio, when yet again the announcer says
"Its going to be bad today, expect 12 to 16 inches of snow. You must park......." Then there was a power cut, no electric.
The wife, at this point, is quite upset
" b'jesus Seamus " she said with a very worried face
" i am all at my wits end, i know not what to do, shall i be parking on the even side of the street or the odd side of the street? heavens be if i get it wrong the snow ploughs will not be able to be passing through!"
Then, with the love and understanding that only a married man can have, the husband says
" Well my love, perhaps it would be best if you just left the car in the garage this morning"
gonna need a bigger boat...my thumbs have gone weird...weleese bwian...I didn't eat the salmon mousse...nice beaver...like a glove...I have nipples Greg...the details of my life...he's not the messiah....
A rich Texan decides to trace his roots, and finds his way to a tiny hamlet on the East coast of Ireland where his family came from. He sees an old wizened guy leaning over a gate post:
"You live here, huh?"
"That's right; see that field there, and that field beyond; that's my farm"
"Is that right, yeah?" chuckled the Texan "WEEELLL, y'know, it takes me two whole days to drive round MY farm; what do ya think of THAT?"
And the old Irish guy smiled, and replied softly "Ah well, y'know, I used to have an old car like that...."
