Hammers Chat

JayK wrote: ↑Mon Nov 29, 2021 1:23 pm

Ironworksfc wrote: ↑Sun Nov 28, 2021 9:51 pm I've had to enlist the services of the world strongest man, to help me out pulling apart the 4 cans of beer that have now been stuck together with the strongest glue known to man.

I tried drinking a can stuck to the other 3, but it ended in disaster.

Try just opening one at a time rather than all 4.

Here to help

Brookbonds73 wrote: ↑Mon Nov 29, 2021 11:25 am

palerider wrote: ↑Mon Nov 29, 2021 6:31 am I only buy bottled beer for home consumption.

It tastes better, has no troublesome packaging and I'm making an extension to the migrant shelter with the empties to protect the Somalis working for 20p a day on my Somerset farm.


We have to help.

A fine gesture indeed.
I've just built a incinerator out of the empties I've consumed over the last few months.
Any dodgy illegals, get thrown in and up they go, it works a treat and there's hardly any fumes.

Carbon footprints n all that.

JayK wrote: ↑Mon Nov 29, 2021 1:23 pm

Ironworksfc wrote: ↑Sun Nov 28, 2021 9:51 pm I've had to enlist the services of the world strongest man, to help me out pulling apart the 4 cans of beer that have now been stuck together with the strongest glue known to man.

I tried drinking a can stuck to the other 3, but it ended in disaster.

Try just opening one at a time rather than all 4.

Here to help

palerider wrote: ↑Tue Nov 30, 2021 8:46 am

Brookbonds73 wrote: ↑Mon Nov 29, 2021 11:25 am

A fine gesture indeed.
I've just built a incinerator out of the empties I've consumed over the last few months.
Any dodgy illegals, get thrown in and up they go, it works a treat and there's hardly any fumes.

Carbon footprints n all that.

Probably wise my learned friend although I've taken a different, more humane approach..

Turkeys don't pluck themselves and I'm fucked if I'm going to do it, so I actually need them this month. Their spokesman is called Mohamed, although they all are, but he's the only one who speaks English and he asked if they could have a pay rise.

I explained to him that wasn't possible because the price of Estrella and Jim Beam had gone up but if they went to the nearby supermarket and just said 'Benefit please' at customer services, they'd get government handouts. I said 'Tesco' was an abbreviation for 'The Economic'....and some other made-up shit I can't remember. When they got back, Mo had to explain to them what 'Fuck Off' meant.

So I reduced the wages for the cunts that went to 20p a week for disloyalty but have given them an extra beef jerky weekly and as a seasonal bonus I'm showing each of them a photo of a slap-up lamb curry.

And I consider myself to be a fair and considerate employer.


I'll build the incinerator on January 2nd.

Brookbonds73 wrote: ↑Tue Nov 30, 2021 11:08 am

palerider wrote: ↑Tue Nov 30, 2021 8:46 am
Probably wise my learned friend although I've taken a different, more humane approach..

Turkeys don't pluck themselves and I'm fucked if I'm going to do it, so I actually need them this month. Their spokesman is called Mohamed, although they all are, but he's the only one who speaks English and he asked if they could have a pay rise.

I explained to him that wasn't possible because the price of Estrella and Jim Beam had gone up but if they went to the nearby supermarket and just said 'Benefit please' at customer services, they'd get government handouts. I said 'Tesco' was an abbreviation for 'The Economic'....and some other made-up shit I can't remember. When they got back, Mo had to explain to them what 'Fuck Off' meant.

So I reduced the wages for the cunts that went to 20p a week for disloyalty but have given them an extra beef jerky weekly and as a seasonal bonus I'm showing each of them a photo of a slap-up lamb curry.

And I consider myself to be a fair and considerate employer.


I'll build the incinerator on January 2nd.

You give em an inch my learned friend and before you know it they'll be smoking the pipe and watching loose women.
I caught one the other day warming his hands on the radiator, I was furious and immediately bludgeoned him with my 1943 replica luger as I'd been doing a bit of role play with Svetlana at the time with me dressed as an SS officer, I felt the need for extreme violence.
Muktar has since apologized and accepted that he'll be sleeping outside till march.
A lesson learned my good man.