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Floating stool.
Posted: Tue Jun 15, 2021 8:32 pm
by Brookbonds73
Earlier on today whilst having my morning ablutions, I noticed that my stool was floating. Normally after a vigorous head squeeze I can deliver a Richard that resembles that of the Eiffel tower. But not today.
This concerned me greatly as the normal rock of Gibraltar was a floating German torpedo.
I of course took myself to A+E with the said item wrapped up neatly in an old shoe box.
As I sat patiently with the rest of the worlds population in the waiting area I began taking stock of my life ( have I left the gas on, have I hid her body, and what times the football start) and what I should do.
Anyway, eventually after being escorted from the premises for being mentally unstable I consoled myself with eating 6 boiled eggs and I'm glad to say, normal service has been resumed and I'm now thinking of starting up a pottery business.
Every cloud n all that.
Re: Floating stool.
Posted: Tue Jun 15, 2021 9:06 pm
by JayK
Had you hid the body though and were you back in time for the football? The 2 key questions
Re: Floating stool.
Posted: Tue Jun 15, 2021 10:19 pm
by BlackDiamond
JayK wrote: ↑Tue Jun 15, 2021 9:06 pm
Had you hid the body though and were you back in time for the football? The 2 key questions
BB's entering into his 'Harold Shipman' phase, when the good doctor was enjoying the successful years - before some nosey-parker spoilt all his plans
Re: Floating stool.
Posted: Tue Jun 15, 2021 10:34 pm
by JayK
BlackDiamond wrote: ↑Tue Jun 15, 2021 10:19 pm
JayK wrote: ↑Tue Jun 15, 2021 9:06 pm
Had you hid the body though and were you back in time for the football? The 2 key questions
BB's entering into his 'Harold Shipman' phase, when the good doctor was enjoying the successful years - before some nosey-parker spoilt all his plans
Just a bit less subtle
Re: Floating stool.
Posted: Wed Jun 16, 2021 7:20 pm
by palerider
Brookbonds73 wrote: ↑Tue Jun 15, 2021 8:32 pm
Earlier on today whilst having my morning ablutions, I noticed that my stool was floating. Normally after a vigorous head squeeze I can deliver a Richard that resembles that of the Eiffel tower. But not today.
This concerned me greatly as the normal rock of Gibraltar was a floating German torpedo.
I of course took myself to A+E with the said item wrapped up neatly in an old shoe box.
As I sat patiently with the rest of the worlds population in the waiting area I began taking stock of my life ( have I left the gas on, have I hid her body, and what times the football start) and what I should do.
Anyway, eventually after being escorted from the premises for being mentally unstable I consoled myself with eating 6 boiled eggs and I'm glad to say, normal service has been resumed and I'm now thinking of starting up a pottery business.
Every cloud n all that.
I had a similar problem in Germany once where the porcelain has a stupid fucking shelf before said turd is sent off to the North Sea. Almost as if you'd want to examine it first.
I flushed and not only did the cunt float, it jumped off the shelf onto my brogues. This was of course most distressing so being in Hamburg on a football tour I immediately ventured into the night seeking some female company dressed in my cape and silk top hat, kitchen knife in a doctor's bag, just like my great-grandfather taught me when he had the urges when he lived in Whitechapel.
Re: Floating stool.
Posted: Thu Jun 17, 2021 10:33 am
by mkhammer
JayK wrote: ↑Tue Jun 15, 2021 9:06 pm
Had you hid the body though and were you back in time for the football? The 2 key questions
Well he thought he hid the body well...but got grassed up by a Stool Pigeon....
Re: Floating stool.
Posted: Thu Jun 17, 2021 10:43 am
by h69
Talking of floaters
Re: Floating stool.
Posted: Thu Jun 17, 2021 11:13 am
by BlackDiamond
h69 wrote: ↑Thu Jun 17, 2021 10:43 am
Talking of floaters
Leaf it out
Re: Floating stool.
Posted: Thu Jun 17, 2021 12:23 pm
by Brookbonds73
I'm pleased to announce that I'm back on track.
A mammoth Richard was passed this morning at 8:09am. Whilst not quite the Nelson's column I was hoping for (for my new pottery scheme) the texture resembles that of a common house brick.
I'd like to thank everyone for their kind words, but most of all I'd like to thank God.
Bon chance.
Re: Floating stool.
Posted: Thu Jun 17, 2021 1:10 pm
by palerider
Brookbonds73 wrote: ↑Thu Jun 17, 2021 12:23 pm
I'm pleased to announce that I'm back on track.
A mammoth Richard was passed this morning at 8:09am. Whilst not quite the Nelson's column I was hoping for (for my new pottery scheme) the texture resembles that of a common house brick.
I'd like to thank everyone for their kind words, but most of all I'd like to thank God.
Bon chance.
Reassuring news my learned friend. I'm afraid there's different problem at Pale Towers.
Due to the fact that 'The Taste of Mai Kok', Langport's only Thai restaurant has still not opened, Lady P tried her hand at cooking, something she attempted once before and managed to cremate a boiled egg, but she's nothing if not willing so I let her serve me a home made red Thai crab curry.
Sadly, and I don't know what the fuck was in it, this morning it seems I have two arseholes and there was shit everywhere. I made her sleep in it of course while I cleaned myself up and made a cuppa.