Never mind those reports in the tabloids. This is what happened at the efl cup tie.
As reported by tarquin smythe.
Myself and my offspring Lance, left our pad in Chiswick at 4pm sharp. My wife flic, had taken Lucinda to ballet but packed our veal cutlets with a home made vinigarette as usual, and we were off to watch Chelsea play at West Ham. I hadn't seen lance this excited since he'd been picked for the old Etonian under thirteens xv the previous month. We met Bertie and Hoyte our friends at a wine bar in Fulham and discussed how we were going to give those Hammers a sound beating, "probably 6-0"cried Lance. "They're rubbish daddy aren't they?" Yes they are lancey I confessed.
As we proceeded on the underground to Stratford we became aware of how poverty stricken people had become. Women had tattoos and men wore polo shirts, there wasn't a luis vetton to be seen anywhere, some even had carrier bags, and some I have to confess stunk of urine.
At Stratford our little gang made our way to the OS, we stopped at a rather ornate eaterie and purchased four hotdogs and four drinks which came to just under £70, which I have to say was marvellous value, at Stamford bridge we normally pay that for plate of fries and a pino Grigio.
Making our way towards the ground we were given some unusual stares from West Ham fans, "daddy, one of them just called me a little cunt" "oh it's probably just them being friendly, cockhaneys are like that lancy. Most of these people you know will probably never see 50, terrible things drugs you know, you only have to look at their teeth to see that"
We took our seats and roared when the team took to the field, Chelsea in famous blue and West Ham in wine. To our horror the cockahaneys struck first, some black fellow called cheeky I think. A sudden surge from West Ham fans was greeted by our own fans who decided to join them in congratulating a fine goal, sportsmanship at it's finest I think. In to the second half and West Ham score again, another effort from pele I think and yet more joviality from West Ham fans. So much so that they even threw coins over at us, which was most appreciated and a damn fine gesture from people with so little to spare.
We managed a goal back from Wayne Rooney but the hammers deservedly won and came within feet of shaking our hands afterwards at the final whistle, no doubt to wish us a safe journey home. Indeed Lance was given a seat by a hammers fan as a momento of his visit, which I caught before it hit the ground and was damaged.
All in all a good evening apart from the result, even Lance who normally supports Barcelona and Real Madrid said he would like to go back to the OS when his other favourites, Manchester United play there one day.
I have to agree and I must mention the hospitality outside was a site to behold, they even had old Chelsea players dressed in blue, wearing crash helmets, you can't beat those cockahaneys I tell you, damn fine eggs.
